The emptyness

 

I think this day promised to be very productive, but maybe not. I have a lot of things to do and honestly, i'm in the middle of task number 1. First, just wanted to give credits for the image to Victoria Frances (as always).

It was almost two weeks ago, maybe more, when i was at this event that i felt like i was having this awkward moment, like a bad "The Hills" episode where someone doesn't talk to someone else and there are two different parties with some members in common. (Yeah i used to watch The Hills and Laguna Beach). 

There was this moment, when the people i was talking to left, so i just sat there looking up at the darkness of the night. There were a couple of stars, and for one second, i wished those stupid people didn't make me put off my cigarrette, somehow when i'm smoking is like the lights are gone, nobody's home, and i really needed to feel that in that precise moment. 

Sitting there for like 5 minutes, waiting for my brother to pick me up, at some point felt like an eternity, but also where a precious time to think for myself, useless thoughts maybe, or just my simple philosophy of life i guess. What happened that night help me realize that no matter what happens, what desision you make, at the end it's always going to be a bad and a good side. Like mom says: nothing is completely white or completely dark. People are always wanting more, it seems that no one is happy where they are now. I was there staring at the emptyness, wishing to be somewhere else, savoring the taste of my desisions right in front of me. But still, i felt this inner peace, this peace i've been feeling like, i don't know, since 5 months ago.

Maybe you don't understand what i'm talking about, or maybe you do. All i'm sure right now is that everything i thought i knew is not definite. I'm even putting to the question some things i used to believe in. Right now for me everything is just temporary, an ephemeral reality.